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Single Dad's Burger Treat

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Burgers from McDonalds and Burger King are greasy and gross, and any self-respecting mom knows that she can cook a burger that is much healthier and which tastes better... unless you ask for the children's opinion. If nothing beats mom's food, burgers are the exception that proves the rule. Children don't like mom's burgers.

Single dads can take advantage of that. Here comes the secret behind making a home-made burger so greasy and unhealthy that moms will hate them and kids will love them. It is the kind of burger that only a single dad would make.

cheeseburger-1.jpgThe beef recipe is straight-forward. It's simple, because good burgers aren't supposed to be good. Make the burger beef by mixing two pounds of ground meat, a spoonful of flour, two spoonfuls of water, half a minced onion, a teaspoon salt, and some fresh-ground pepper. This servers about six burgers. Make sure you mix the ingredients well. Don't be afraid to use your hands for the job.

The first secret lies in the frying technique. First, form pancakes out of the meat, making each burger beef about twice the diameter of the bun, and as flat as possible. Get your frying pan, and turn up the heat to almost maximum. Leave the frying pan completely dry without the use of fats, and put the burger beef onto the pan once it's hot. Within half a minute the beef will have reduced to the size of the bun. Press the beef hard against the pan with a flat knife. When the beef is done on one side, turn it around, and press it hard against the pan. For the last thirty seconds of frying, put a small amount of butter onto the beef, and let it melt.

As soon as you remove the beef from the frying pan, put a slice of cheese on each of them. You should use the kind of cheese that you use for toasts.

The buns themselves are purchased pre-baked. Now the second secret: don't put the buns on a toaster, because this will make them appear dry and fresh. Instead, put them in the microwave for little less than a minute so they will become hot and moist.

Assemble the burger from bun, ketchup, beef and various salads, and then top it off with Thousand Island dressing and the top of the bun. The third and last of the secrets is a psychological trick that reminds the children of the greasy burgers at McDonalds and Burger King. The secret is to include a pickle and a piece of salad that the children can complain about and remove from the burger before eating it.
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By Demons Be Driven

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hot-sauce-2.jpg Last Saturday a friend of mine gave me a special gift: "The Source", a hot sauce from Original Juan Specialty Foods, who claims this product as the world's hottest hot sauce. According to legend as told by Original Juan Specialty Foods, the god that held the Source of all energy had to protect this source from other gods quarreling about it, and hid it so well that eventually it became nothing more than a legend--until now.

The 1 oz bottle is beautifully packaged in a box with a fetish figure on the outside, stating that "All things good or bad are driven by energy," implying that that this hot sauce is the source of this energy. It isn't really a sauce but a chili paste for those that like hot food.

We're used to hot food in our family. Tonight we had pumpkin soup by request of our daughter, and both of our children aged three and eight ask for chili sauce for their soup.

Pumpkin soup also means hot chili sauce to me, and preferably much hotter than requested by our children, so today was a perfect day to try The Source, which until now had been confined to a shelf out of children's reach.

Upon opening the box, I received the first indication of just how hot The Source might be. You rarely find foods with liability release labels, but the back label of the bottle made it explicit that:

I hereby release, disclaim, and relinquish Original Juan Specialty Foods, its affiliates, owners, employees, suppliers, distributors and associated retail customer outlets of any and all claims, actions, and/or lawsuits that I, any of my dependents, heirs, family members or friends may have relating to any damage and/or injury that results, or is alleged to have resulted, from the use, consumption, ingestion, and/or contact of any bodily part or organ of or from this product.

An appropriate warning for a bottle claiming to contain hot sauce equivalent to 7.1 million Scoville units, meaning that it will have to be diluted 7.1 million times before the irritant active component causing chili to feel hot is undetectable, or about thirty times hotter than the hottest chili. In other words, whatever The Source is, it must have come straight from Hell.

The contents, a maroon paste, was to be applied with a plastic spatula. Wise from experience with hot chili, I scraped a barely visible amount off the spatula and mixed it into my bowl of soup.

It tasted wonderful. It was truly a great taste of fine chili, but as chili lovers can tell you, if hot chili feels hot right off the bat, get ready to burn, baby.

The sensation of a lit fuse came almost immediately. And it became hot. Burning, freaking hot. My nose started to run, and my eyes watered. If I had put anything more than just a pinch of the paste into my full bowl of soup, I swear I'd have had to see a doctor.

Yet the taste is addictive. I can't wait to experiment with this product in a dish that requires chili as a critical ingredient. I'm not sure which god held The Source, but I suspect he is to be found among those with horns and cloven hoofs.

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The term "there's no such thing as a free lunch" implies that there's always a hidden cost somewhere that someone has to pay. And if someone offers you something ostensibly for free, chances are you'll be the one that pays in the end, my friend. It's the adult version of "don't accept gifts from strangers," because if you belive the gift is free, you'll soon find yourself screwed.

Weight loss programs and weight loss diet vendors seem to be particularly prone to offering "free lunches" guaranteeing virtually anything under the sun for almost nothing. In practice, weight loss diets are often absolutely against doctor's orders, and generally rather uneffective. Oh, and I won't even get started on the myriad of web pages offering weight loss programs all "guaranteed" to work, because they're "scientifically documented." Right. They somehow never get into detail describing exactly what this documentation states; I mean, it's probably scientifically documented that jumping off a cliff will hurt you, but that doesn't mean it's a good thing to try. I suspect the scientific conclusion on several weight loss diets is: "This product will cause mal-nourishment and no weight loss."

nupo.jpgBut there are exceptions. Danish product Nupo is a so-called "very low calorie diet" that promises a weight loss of about three pounds per week if followed carefully.

Originally known as the "Hvidovre diet," the diet was invented by a Danish expert in nutrition at the hospital of Hvidovre in the early 1980es. The product was later refined into "NUPO" (short for "nutritional powder"), a product that tastes like known foods and provides the body with all of its required nutrition, but maintains an insufficient amount of energy. Without being deprived of its required nutrition, the body must burn fat.

The product has been widely tested and the scientific conclusions are reasonably consistent: the product works as promised without the dangerous drawbacks of malnourishment found in certain weight loss diets.

Of course, even non-experts on nutrition can tell you that to lose weight, you should permanently change your diet and do lots of exercise. That's certainly true, but few people are willing to shave an hour off the day to be uncomfortable running around. I realize that the endorphine level boost caused by running around the neighborhood will soon take on the characteristics of a mild narcotic that provides the runner with a sense of pleasure and even dependency on the "drug," but on the short term you won't experience that feeling. So, doing exercises not only seems like an unsurmountable task, it's actually boring and uncomfortable. Face it, a weight loss program can be successful only if it is handed on a silver platter.

I'm one of those people that wouldn't be caught dead running. Unfortunately I'm also one of those people that suddenly saw his weight increase after a long-term assignment at a customer with an excellent catering service. Within a year I gained about ten pounds. Not that this made me overweight, but it did seem a little too much to me. Friends also began to mentioned to me that I seemed to have gained weight. I stopped gaining weight after the assignment, but getting rid of the extra pounds seemed impossible. After four years, my weight hadn't changed a bit.

I eventually decided I'd have to do something about it, and my girlfriend mentioned Nupo's diet as a possible method. Somewhat skeptical at first, I investigated the claims and did some rough calculations on my own and came to a conclusion that is supported by Nupo's web site. Following the diet suggestion reasonably closely I expected a weight loss of around two pounds per week.

Fortunately I'm a reasonably determined person. When I started my martial arts training I decided I'd buy all of the belt colors after just two weeks of training, and my next graduation will prove that the black belt was not to be forgotten in the back of the drawer. In other words, I filled the kitchen shelf with Nupo products, ready to start on the diet the next day.

The Nupo products consist of basically three kinds of food, two of which are powder based: shakes, soups, and bars. The shakes come in coffee latte, chocolate, and strawberry flavors. The soups are mushroom and aspargus flavored. The bars are chocolate, caramel, hazel nut, and coconut flavored. All of the powder based products are shaked with water, and the soups are heated in the microwave afterwards. The bars don't need preparation.

The preferred flavor is obviously an individual choice. I quickly grew tired of the coffee latte, and the strawberry flavor is beginning to taste like "enough candy for tonight" to me. The bars are edible, and while they're not actually bad, they tend to eliminate my appetite. The first few bites are okay, but then each mouthful seems to grow bigger in my mouth until I really don't want to finish the bar. It's not that the taste is bad, but somehow I grow tired of the taste almost instantly. On the upside, you get the pleasure of chewing something, which is a much desired alternative to the powder-based products.

I like the soups, although they're certainly far from "real" mushroom or aspargus soup. As the shakes go, I prefer chocolate powder and I can stand the stawberry powder. I can probably stand all of the bars, but the coconut flavored bar has the advantage of a somewhat "fresh" taste compared with the other flavors.

I suppose the somewhat bland experience may be an advantage although it is hardly something Nupo would pride themselves of. If their weight loss products tasted as top of the line cuisine, perhaps the unfortunate users would be tempted to squeeze just one more chocolate bar down until eventually they might as well have eaten candy bars. Somehow it seems right that weight loss food doesn't tempt you to eat lots of it.

Nupo suggests different uses of the products appealing to the temperament of the individual users. The hard core version means you eat Nupo products only, and is obviously the most effective weight loss method. Less can do however, such as eating a regular meal once a day and replacing the other meals with Nupo's food replacements.

I've used the products somewhat in-between the hard core and the "one preferred meal" per day, and the weight loss promise by Nupo isn't all wrong. I managed to get rid of the extra pounds gained four years ago in about four weeks, and without feeling tired, particularly hungry, or otherwise feeling like I'm on a diet. And that included an occasional treat in the form of a piece of cake as well as a meal once a day.

Nupo cautions that, like with all weight loss programs, when the Nupo diet is finished you must be careful with your future diet. Research shows that no matter how successful people have been with their weight loss diets, they'll regain all of their weight unless they change their diet permanently.

And the free lunch? You won't get that, of course. Regular food tastes better than Nupo's products, and certainly provides much more variation than three shakes, four bars, and two soups. Nupo's products are reasonably priced, however, and if you decide to start the Nupo diet you may in fact save quite some money since you avoid the expenses on real food.

To summarize, the Nupo diet itself provides you with the nutrition you need, costs less than regular food, and each dish is prepared faster than most quick-meals. It doesn't provide you with the required energy, however, and therefore requires your body to burn fat, reducing your weight at a rate of two or three pounds a week.

The conclusion is evident: once you've reached your desired weight, you can keep your weight down on a diet of a somewhat dull appetizer and cake as the main dish--and still pay less for your food than today.
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